One of the first things people do when trying to cut out carbs is find a thing that replaces the carbs they think they will miss.  It’s the same tendency some vegetarians have – to try to replace meat with a meat-like thing.  No good can come of this sort of behaviour.  Believing you can replace meat with a meat-like thing has led to the evolution of that most disgusting of things Sosmix and the even more revolting Magic Vegan Bacon Grease.

But there are quite a few ways of using good old easy to come by vegetables as pretend carbs.  And they work pretty well if you don’t compare them directly to the carb you are cutting out.

First up – cauliflower rice.   It does look a bit like rice, but no, it doesn’t taste like rice.   Of course it doesn’t.  It’s cauliflower.  But it can be made into a surprising number of really tasty things.  Personally I’m getting through about 3 cauliflowers a week.

On wind: just to warn you, when you switch to a low carb diet you may well suffer from a bit of wind.  Well, a lot.  Actually it can be so bad you will worry that your partner/pets/houseplants will want to leave.  You may well be Mr or Mrs Farty Trump Pants (for those in the US, in the North of England, trump means to break wind  🙂  Cauliflower often makes your windiness even worse.

Stick with it – your trumps will become less and less common as your body adjusts to your new diet.  The same cannot be said of the US president of the same name.

So without more ado, here are my favorite cauliflower rice based recipes.

Plain cauliflower rice: massacre a cauliflower, cook in the microwave for 6-7 mins on full blast, sprinkle with salt and pepper.  Microwaving cauliflower can be a bit stinky.  Just letting you know…

Stir fried cauliflower rice: as above, transfer to a wok with a little oil, add coriander (cilantro for the US types) and cumin seeds, stir fry for 2 mins

Your rice can also be made into pretend pizza bases and “tater tots”.  These are lovely but do involve lots of cheese and of course, eggs.

Tater tots – good for snacking but these do have some breadcrumbs in so no good for the “bread is bad” purists.


Cauliflower breadsticks – same basic recipe as with the Tater Tots, but covered in cheese.


Cauliflower pizza: use the breadstick recipe and add toppings as if it was an actual, carb infested pizza base.  Make sure you use enough eggs and cheese to stick it all together.  Not enough eggs/cheese = pizza ingredients sitting on a bed of cauliflower rice.

And I know I’m wantonly mixing UK and US (and AUS) recipes here.  Because I can, and because that’s what it’s like on the interweb.  So get your US/UK oven temperature conversion table out now.

And finally, chopping your cauliflower can be tedious.  I bought a chopper similar to this one.  I love it and use it to death.  And mine has a turbo button on the top.  So much fun…